Do One Thing Every Day....

"Do one thing every day that scares you."

Today that "thing" was stepping on the scale. I've been avoiding the damn thing for weeks now. Shoving it as far into the darkest corners of my tiny bathroom as possible, hoping I could continue to ignore the fact that my pants have been getting a little bit tighter, my shirts a little bit smaller.

But I did it. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, stood on that stupid white plastic contraption and braced myself for the digital number that would stare back at me and shoot me straight in the ego like a wild and evil medusa.

4 pounds.

I've gained 4 pounds in the last few weeks. Now that may not seem like a lot to some people, but when you're in that 'awkward stage' between sizes, 4 pounds is a lot. I've been doing poorly with my water consumption, drinking too much coffee, eating larger portions that I know will do me no good, and grazing at night. I had a wedding this weekend and topped it off with pub food, Chinese take-out, and beer. Today for lunch I ate my leftover Chinese food in an effort to save some money. Thankfully, my mother has eaten the rest of it, so now I'm back to home-cooked food.

Tonight I eat some home-made beef stew with a small serving of rice and a VERY TALL glass of water.

I'm putting myself back on track.

What did you do today that scared you?

It's simple...

After a lifetime of losing and gaining weight, I get it. No matter how you slice it, weight loss comes down to the simple formula of calories in, calories out.
Valerie Bertinelli 

I've read a lot of articles, tried out a few diets, and watched my fair share of videos that like to point out that it really isn't this simple when it comes to weight loss. But truth be told, when I start to think about all the other hundreds of components involved with weight loss, fat burning, muscle building, "bulking", "cutting", or any of the other terms flying around out there, I get overwhelmed. I know that refined sugars are bad for you, I know that excessive amounts of carbs aren't good for you, I know that sitting on my ass all day and being a sedentary and sad excuse for "a body in motion" is terrible for me. But when you simplify it, and you tell me that as long as I can burn X amount of calories in a week from moderate exercise, so long as I don't eat more than Y amount of calories in a day, I understand it. 

Let's be clear: I HATE counting calories. I can't think of a less exciting way to spend my time. I don't measure things when I cook, so calorie counting is a nightmare for me. But when I am conscious of what I'm making, and I do my best to "guesstimate" what the portions of everything are, I do pretty well. What I lack is discipline. 

How do you convince yourself to stay disciplined? Motivated?

That is my current struggle. 

Lazy

Some days you just can't handle eating super spicy leftover sausage deliciousness... so you go to the store and get buttermilk fried chicken, broccoli cheddar poppers, heat up some mashed potatoes you had in the fridge, and call it a night.

At least I was good the rest of the day, right? A nice turkey sandwich on 7 grain with a slice of american cheese, a small salad with tons of veggies and only a little bit of Italian dressing, grapes, and a small handful of those peanut butter pretzel nuggets because they're in the office and they beckon me.

Don't judge me.

A Little Gluttony Goes a Long Way

So I hope everyone had a safe and relaxing Labor Day weekend. I had a good weekend, but it surely would have been better if it was a few days longer. I don't know about what the rest of you did this weekend, but I ate. I ate quite a bit, and today I am fat. My fat pants were on and fully filled out today.

I ate sticky rib tips, lobster mac and cheese, delicious Belgian beer, smoked barbecue pork ribs, a lobster tail pastry, pignioli and hazelnut gelato, pistachio frozen yogurt and all the fixin's, Chinese pork buns, an awesome three egg omelette, home fries, homemade breaded fried chicken, and god only knows what else. I'm pretty sure I blacked out after the gelato, so those calories don't count, right?

Listen, whatever you did this weekend - it's over now. Get back to the grind tomorrow and cut your losses (and gains). I'm prepping myself with some unsweetened iced tea for now, and tomorrow I'm going to pretend that none of this ever happened. 

The real challenge will be making sure my pants get that same message. 

Sorry I'm not sorry.

When your "Fat Pants" Become Your "Every Day Pants"

For years I have struggled with my weight. Since 5th grade when the hormones started raging and now until my late 20's I have bounced my weight around back and forth like a cheap yo-yo you might find at a tag sale or a vending machine. You know the kind. The kind of yo-yo made with cheap string that frays and tangles, where one bump against the ground or some other solid object causes the whole thing to fall apart until you get so frustrated you say "screw it!" and find something else to distract yourself. 

That kind of struggle. 

I've never been a particularly active person. Sedentary describes me pretty well - but that's just such an ugly word, isn't it? I don't like to run, the elliptical makes me crazy, and I'm overwhelmed by weight machines and aerobics classes. I like using my 15 pound kettlebell, but convincing myself that I should do some swings tonight, or any number of other acrobatics with the painted cannonball is always a test of strength in and of itself. 

I like to eat. I grew up half Italian and half Hispanic. Pasta, rice, cheese, tortillas, cream sauces, MSG. The combinations of foods that I ate routinely did nothing to help me maintain a "normal" weight, and I always ate in excess. Why? Because I learned from a young age that food is comforting and social and an "all-day" event. This was often the case on Sundays when my Italian grandparents would prepare a feast where we would lazily graze from 2pm until about 6 or 7pm when coffee and confections were served. There was no such thing as portion control or mindfulness. You ate because it made you happy, and turning down food from your grandparents just wasn't something you did. 

And so I ate. 

And ate.

And ate some more. 

And then I went to college. 

I bet you can imagine what happened there. Freshman 15? Try Freshman 25.

I tried, time and again, to convince myself that I was going to go on a diet, and that I was somehow going to succeed. No plan, no real knowledge about what I was doing. I set myself up for failure a number of times and always gained whatever handful of pounds I had lost. 

When I got to graduate school I tried the 4 Hour Body Diet and lost about 40 pounds (38 if we're going to be fussy). I was back to my high school weight and I felt great! But I got sick of the restrictive eating plan and decided to try and go it alone. Well I decided to try and do my own thing around the holidays. Thanksgiving, a couple of birthdays, Christmas, New Year's and then my birthday. Between November and February I packed on maybe 25 to 30 of the 40 pounds that took me almost 2 years to lose. 

Well now here I am. 

I'm not really sure what to make of this blog. I'm not sure where it's going or what I'm doing. All I do know is that I need a place where I can write. A place where I can vent, share my struggles, celebrate my successes, and talk about food. Glorious food. 

I've made a concerted effort to be mindful about what I eat. Don't drink your calories (unless it's Happy Hour, then the calories don't count), eat this - not that, portion control, more veggies and fruit, fewer carbs (but don't cut them out because they're good for you!), lean(er) meats, legumes, multivitamins (when I remember to take them), lots of water (I prefer a teabag in my water - lemon is also delicious), less fat, etc. 

This is where I will post recipes, food ideas, struggles, exercise attempts and failures, weight loss milestones, whatever.

This is my new safe place.

I hope I can inspire some of you to try something new for yourself, and maybe you can inspire me or help contribute to this page. I've lost about 7 pounds in the last month with my newest approach, so I must be doing something right - right?

Here goes nothing.